Developing a youth ministry that lasts

Developing a youth ministry that lasts
by Jim Burns

We seem to be faced with a task that is beyond our influence – helping students navigate the seas of this current culture. The Israelites chose to back down from the battle, hoping help would come. David, rather, had a different plan. With the help of God, he knew that there was nothing that could stand in the way of victory – not even Goliath. The same choice is ours. Will we choose to stand by, hoping help will come? Or will we echo the attitude of David in saying, "He’s so big, I can’t miss!"

We, as youth workers, have an advantage. There is something that we possess, that current culture cannot defeat.

It’s not found in our programming. Our programming will not enamor the students of this culture. They can stay at home and watch programming on television that is a hundred times better. However, as our society continues to move forward and often times becomes more and more impersonal, the church can meet the needs of this current student culture.

Our advantage is found in the relationships we can build with students. The following are essential ingredients for us as we seek to develop life-transforming relationships that will help our students navigate the current times. We can make a difference.

Acceptance
Students today are asking themselves: Who am I? Who do I want to be? At the heart of these questions is the desire for acceptance. They are bombarded with messages that tell them that worth and acceptance are given conditionally – that you have value if …, and you are accepted if …. Nothing can be further from the truth. One of the greatest gifts we can ever give our students is the gift of unconditional, loving acceptance.

God’s love is based on who we are and not what we do. His acceptance is based purely on the fact that we are His precious creation–nothing more, nothing less. When we communicate that type of acceptance, we are communicating the unconditional love that Jesus has for our students.

Acceptance is shown in remembering names.

Acceptance is shown in a smile and a word of encouragement.

Acceptance is shown when we remember a prayer request, pray about it, and care enough to check back in with that student.

Acceptance is shown in taking the time and having the willingness to listen to a student pour out their heart in honesty.

Acceptance is shown in giving value to a student that may have never seen - the value that they have in the eyes of God.

Our youth ministries should foster an environment of honesty and transparency, where even doubts are accepted. We often make the mistake of pressuring kids into conformity and of not respecting their unbelief. Accepting, yet not agreeing with, young people’s unbelief can be a very positive witness tool.

Affirmation
Students are starved for affirmation and encouragement. If the truth were known, we all are. Often we rise or fall to the level with which we are encouraged. But what does affirmation look like? How can we give our students life-altering affirmation, rather than just an emotional shot in the arm?

If the main content of our affirmation is based on accomplishments and looks, we may be running a dangerous risk. Often our affirmation is based on how students look, how they perform on the field or on the court, or on their grades. But what happens if they don’t score the winning touchdown? What happens if they don’t measure up physically to others around them? What happens if they fall short of "the grade”? Is their worth wrapped up in those things? Do we unwittingly wrap their worth to God and us in temporal things? There will always be someone better looking, someone with better grades, or someone who is a better athlete. What do they do then?

True affirmation is seeing what God sees, what He is doing in the midst of their lives, and expressing it to them. The art of affirmation is finding our students doing something right and celebrating it with them. It is looking for those opportunities to affirm character and growth in Christ. It is looking for opportunities to point out to students what God is doing and who He is molding them to be. It is affirming the eternal transformation in their lives.

Every year, our high school ministry staff has the opportunity to chaperone the prom for a local high school in our area. I (Mike) remember being at the dance and seeing Chris, one of the guys from my discipleship group. I remember watching him the entire evening – how he treated his date at dinner, how he took care of her at the dance, how he honored her in the little things he did.

Two days later, at our Sunday morning program, I affirmed Chris: "Chris, at prom you were such a gentleman and an example of how Jesus would have treated Julia. The way you treated her showed her how much God honors her and loves her. I’m proud of you. I would be honored to have a guy like you ask my daughters out on a date. I’d feel incredibly comfortable having someone like you take them out.”

Affirmation is seeing what God sees and what He is doing in the lives of our students. It’s seeing who He is developing and transforming them to be and expressing it to them. We need to affirm our students – publicly, privately, and perpetually!

Attention
Our students are also desperate for attention, for anyone to notice them. When we give students our attention, we give them value and significance. To give students our attention means giving them time and touch.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Your very presence in the lives of your students communicates care and concern for them. All those hours spent at sporting events, dance recitals, community events, and even junior high band recitals– all communicate that we care about the lives of the students we minister with.

When we spend time with students, it’s like making a deposit into their bank account. The more time spent, the greater the account grows. There will come a time, however, when we will need to make a withdrawal on that account – sharing a hard truth, saying the tough thing, challenging a student about where they are going in life or in their journey with Jesus.

It’s at that time that we can make a withdrawal on the account. But if we haven’t invested anything, there’s no platform with which to minister.

We also need to "touch” students – relationally, as well as appropriate physical touch. Relational "touch” comes as we take the time to do the small things, the things that students remember. Phone calls, notes, and email are all ways of staying relationally “connected” with students. Anything that shows personal touch in the life of a student communicates value and “touches” him or her.

We also need appropriate physical touch within our ministry to students. Touch, like a handshake, a “high five”, or an appropriate hug all communicate a love and concern that students are desperate for.

Linda was a heavyset, unpopular, melancholy eleventh grader who was on the fringe of our youth group. She was quiet, shy, and unresponsive, and her home life was less than desirable. One day I went up to her and told her how much I appreciated her presence in our youth group. I then felt by her response that it was okay to give her a hug. It was an awkward hug, but nevertheless a hug.

At a senior dinner a year and a half later we were sharing important youth group events. Linda stood, and with tears in her eyes she shared with the group that the time she felt loved and cared for the most was when I hugged her. Frankly, I had forgotten all about this experience until she brought it up.

What our students truly need from us is spiritual challenge. They need us to be encouragers, mentors, and guides for them on their spiritual journey. What they need to successfully make their journey are spiritual guides who are seeking God themselves. It is out of the overflow of our own lives that we can minister to youth. It comes from being in touch with their lives, spending the time necessary to build relationships. It comes from taking the opportunity to speak into their lives as we walk together; challenging them in areas where they need to be made more like Christ. It’s saying, “I will walk with you, because I love you and believe in all that God has in store for you!”

The choice is ours to make. We can stand by like the Israelites before their enemy Goliath and say, “He’s too big, I can’t win.” Or we can echo the heart of David saying, “He’s so big, I can’t miss.” We truly can make a difference in the lives of young people.

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This is excerpted from “The Youth Builder: Today’s Resource for Relational Youth Ministry” by Jim Burns, Mike Devries, and Doug Fields. (Gospel Light, 2002). Used by permission, copyright, 2002.




Article by Jim Burns